Self-Affection

I've been living with anxiety my whole life and it makes me feel bad at some points. I used to ignore the fact that I'm suffering with this kind of unpleasant emotion because I thought I was just a suck human being who can't get my shit together.

I always stressed out of doing anything wrong that I decided to not doing anything to avoid being wrong. I thought I was just lazy.

I always scared of being a bother to anyone around me which makes me afraid to ask for the bill at the restaurant. I thought I was just shy.

I always scared of meeting new people, especially if they are going to have important role in my life, sometimes I tremble hard, my mouth keep shuts, and my heart's racing like crazy. I thought my social skill sucks.

I sometimes think that no one actually loves me, that I constantly need reassurance from my significant other that he actually loves me. I thought I was just possessive.

I always worry too much of being replaced, forgotten, and left alone, so I background-checked everyone who seems close to my loved ones. I thought I was just jealous.

I always think people laughed behind me that I avoid passing by a big group of people I know. I thought I was just ugly.

But I am lucky enough to discover the antidote of my anxiety shortly after I realized that I'm not a suck human being and there is a name of the fear I've been through. Whenever those bad thoughts attacks, I try to do anything that makes me calm and happy in order to distract myself from the fear. I usually talk with loved ones, playing with pets, dress myself so pretty, and even spoil myself.

And tonight, I decided to buy myself some flowers, because self-affection matters, to remind yourself that no one can loves you better than your own self.